I consider it a very good idea that we have a healthy serving of fish and chips for our dinner.

Darling, mummy is unable to purchase you a maga size Mars Bar, so stop having that tantrum in the supermarket isle and knocking over those boxes of eggs.

Ae

I am going for a short visit to our local hostelry - I'll be back in about a week.

That 'Only eat two carrots a day' diet must be working - and who cares if everyone saw yesterday's washing!

From To A Mouse by Robert Burns

I am sixty, Jimmy is forty - but I like to make people think we're the same age.

From To A Mouse by Robert Burns

I have consumed far too much alcohol and feel the need to tell you how wonderful you are - but don't worry I am not gay.

Sorry I slept with your girlfriend - can we still be friends?

Your sixteen now - it's time to start tidying your own bedroom.

I am telling you lies- again.

I stole this Vauxhall Nova last night.

Full Poem - To a Mouse

Am ur

I am

Ur ye goin' tae the jigging thenight

Aye am ur tae.

I'm just back from seeing Betty's new twin girls.

Oor Jimmy Goat an ASBO by Stuart McLean
It wis jist before his birthday,
He wis very nearly six,
That oor Jimmy broke those windies,
Way some dirt great big bricks.
Then he kicked old Mister Brown,
And telt him tae ‘fuck aff’,
Relieved him o’ his pension,
And cut his walkin’ stick in haff.

Aye, oor Jimmy is a right wee lad,
He’s alwis full o’ fun,
But he’s only at his happiest,
When he’s playin’ wae his gun.
He shoots at cats and dogs and stuff,
And people on their bikes,
He disnae mean them any herm,
It’s jist somethin’ thit he likes.

Jimmy goat a birthday present,
A man frae The Council called,
Presented him wae an ASBO,
And said he wis appalled.
Ah’m takin’ Jimmy oot taenight,
The wee lad cannae wait,
We’re off doon tae McDonalds,
Tae fuckin’ celebrate.
[From No' Rabbie Burns by Stuart McLean]

I will put the blouse under the counter - you can collect it when you get your wages.

Tell your mother that I enquired whether she is in good health - though, to tell you the truth, I couldn't give a damn.

At it

a) Up to mischief

b) Making love

He says they wur at it all night.

Yeah right - he's just pulling your leg.

Shit - it's the New Year again!!

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?

CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup of kindness yet,
For auld lang syne!

And surely ye'll be your pint-stowp,
And surely I'll be mine,
And we'll tak a cup o kindness yet,
For auld lang syne!

We twa hae run about the braes,
And pou'd the gowans fine,
But we've wander'd monie a weary fit,
Sin auld lang syne.

We twa hae paidl'd in the burn
Frae morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roar'd
Sin auld lang syne.

And there's a hand my trusty fiere,
And gie's a hand o thine,
And we'll tak a right guid-willie waught,
For auld lang syne
 

A small cheque awaits you at the Post Office which will provide you with enough money to buy two loafs and a pound of lard to keep you going for a week.

How could a thickhead like you get a Grade D in Woodwork?

I am going to have a bath, phone some friends, put on my make-up, choose a dress to wear - - - I will see you in about 3 hours and yes - we will be late for the theatre.

Your tea good - my tea shit.

"Can you tell me the time?"

"Aye Right!"

"Can you tell me the time?"

"How dare you approach me in the street and suggest that I have stolen this painting by Van Gough - if I weren't hurrying to the pub to pass it on I'd give you a Glasgow Kiss"